and so when I'm lying here,
lying to myself to make me believe that I'm with you,
i'm thinking of all the possibilities,
all the things we could do,
and all the great times we could have,
and how lucky I am to know you,
because in this big bad world,
it's so rare to find some one special,
somebody who instills peace within your heart
and each day I am thankful that I have you,
Because when I'm around you my love is able to unfurl like a large sail
and it can take us anyhwere,
from here to the end of the world, and beyond
and nothing would be impossible in each others arms
heart within heart
mind within mind
because this love is eternal
based on firm foundations of friendship
it reaches to the stars with endless levels of love.
I love you.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Friday, 8 January 2010
one weekend at a casino turns into a mafia mayhem of murder
starts in the theatre and movewithin the bowels of the casino from there
end up going back to the casino to gather people, standing on the verytop, listen people, I am captain jack sparrow
that wasa ridiulously brave thing to do considering before this people were just shooting at anybody,nobody knew who the mafia were.
I lead this rabble of people out, as we're almost out, almost free, I see loui, the mafia king pin, and i take him out, he tries to shoot, tiem soes down, for a fwe seconds my life hangs in the balance, but he doesn't get a bullet out, i tear through the cafeteria, but ther's no door, and the barman says so who's going to tear out the brain of this kid woh looks like nick cave? One 30 year old looking lady, with big cleavage, brown hair, is fucking angry at first, and she pulls hergun out, i think im going to die that im going to be shot, but i look into her eyes and she sees something, so she shatters the glass with a few bullets and i rush out into the sunshine. There's a little blue car with two girls in it, i run over to the, I need the car I yell, I'm going ot die - they yell back, she's pregnant, I'm pregnant, sorry! I start running down the street, I get about halfway down the block and I'm puffed out- I hear a car coming up behind me, at first quickly then it slows down, it must be the end I think, they've got me, I dare not turn around, as it gets super close to me I hear a kind an dcute voice 'get in!', I turn around nad its the blue car with the pregnant girl and her friend, they open the door, the pregnant girl has her legs up and there is room on the floor, I jump into that space and we're off, It looks like I am going to catch a baby, but at least I am alive.
Normal hotel - looking for the american dream - lots of insensitive people just selfish fucks, mafia shit descends, hellish torment from the inside out, for the first few hours anybody who moved would be shot, people were fucking scared and shooting at anything - killing their own, the mafia were not even there and these civilians were killing each other. I search through the bowels of the place, through the broken toilets, somebody groaning and dying in the male toilet, blood everywhere, female toilet empty, water all over the floor, my gun warm and I consider taking my life here. I return tot he theatre with some people and I walk staright in, scaring and startling and I stand up on the chairs and I say ENOUGH. I am Captain Jack Sparrow and let's get the fuck out of here. People clap and cheer and we start to leave.
emile type character, annoying, neurotic at first, gets fucking shaky when shit hits the fan - but when i start leading he learns and imitates and helps out.
the macho group of guys, at first act like fuckign selish cunts, then they lose one of their own, and they become part of the group - united, we all are, by the misery - except for me.
I was here at the casino to drown my sorrows because the girl of my dreams had left me for another guy, a really sefish fucking cunt whos got it all going for him, private education, six figure salary, huge cock, big abs, fast car, etc.
What I find out is that happiness doesn't come from anybody else - people change and can fuck around and do whatever. Happiness comes from within, just like bravery.
elevator music
the american dream being shot to pieces
romance in the toilet, i though thte girls toilet was empty, i just wnated to kill myself quietly - as i raise my gun i hear a whimpering, a small, weak little whimper coming from the next stall - apparently I'm not alone. It's the cute girl I have been noticing this weekend, she's' crying and shaking, I sit down with her and I just hold her. no words. We just share body heat, it's very primal, but it works. She looks up at me with big tear stained eyes, recognises me - i'm the awkward guy from the dance floor - just stares at me for 2 seconds, I think she's about to run off, but then she snuggles in further to me - and I rub her back and tell her we will be ok - we'll get out a live.
So I arrive at the casino trying to drown my sorrows, to find a beautiful and wealthy girl, to win a million bucks. But I'm awkward, I see my beautiful ex everywhere. And I think that I could never find another gir like here, it's just impossible. I fuck up at the pokes because I think I see her, I fuck up at the roullette for the same reason, I fuck up at the bar and dance floor fo rhte same reaosn.
so yeah in the bar, at the end, i'm stnading in front of the window and the lady gets her gun out, i dive and she fies three shots - i look up at her and we connect with powerful eye contact. I then hurl myself out the window and she stands up and starts hollering, getting int he way of everybody so nobody can get a shto off
starts in the theatre and movewithin the bowels of the casino from there
end up going back to the casino to gather people, standing on the verytop, listen people, I am captain jack sparrow
that wasa ridiulously brave thing to do considering before this people were just shooting at anybody,nobody knew who the mafia were.
I lead this rabble of people out, as we're almost out, almost free, I see loui, the mafia king pin, and i take him out, he tries to shoot, tiem soes down, for a fwe seconds my life hangs in the balance, but he doesn't get a bullet out, i tear through the cafeteria, but ther's no door, and the barman says so who's going to tear out the brain of this kid woh looks like nick cave? One 30 year old looking lady, with big cleavage, brown hair, is fucking angry at first, and she pulls hergun out, i think im going to die that im going to be shot, but i look into her eyes and she sees something, so she shatters the glass with a few bullets and i rush out into the sunshine. There's a little blue car with two girls in it, i run over to the, I need the car I yell, I'm going ot die - they yell back, she's pregnant, I'm pregnant, sorry! I start running down the street, I get about halfway down the block and I'm puffed out- I hear a car coming up behind me, at first quickly then it slows down, it must be the end I think, they've got me, I dare not turn around, as it gets super close to me I hear a kind an dcute voice 'get in!', I turn around nad its the blue car with the pregnant girl and her friend, they open the door, the pregnant girl has her legs up and there is room on the floor, I jump into that space and we're off, It looks like I am going to catch a baby, but at least I am alive.
Normal hotel - looking for the american dream - lots of insensitive people just selfish fucks, mafia shit descends, hellish torment from the inside out, for the first few hours anybody who moved would be shot, people were fucking scared and shooting at anything - killing their own, the mafia were not even there and these civilians were killing each other. I search through the bowels of the place, through the broken toilets, somebody groaning and dying in the male toilet, blood everywhere, female toilet empty, water all over the floor, my gun warm and I consider taking my life here. I return tot he theatre with some people and I walk staright in, scaring and startling and I stand up on the chairs and I say ENOUGH. I am Captain Jack Sparrow and let's get the fuck out of here. People clap and cheer and we start to leave.
emile type character, annoying, neurotic at first, gets fucking shaky when shit hits the fan - but when i start leading he learns and imitates and helps out.
the macho group of guys, at first act like fuckign selish cunts, then they lose one of their own, and they become part of the group - united, we all are, by the misery - except for me.
I was here at the casino to drown my sorrows because the girl of my dreams had left me for another guy, a really sefish fucking cunt whos got it all going for him, private education, six figure salary, huge cock, big abs, fast car, etc.
What I find out is that happiness doesn't come from anybody else - people change and can fuck around and do whatever. Happiness comes from within, just like bravery.
elevator music
the american dream being shot to pieces
romance in the toilet, i though thte girls toilet was empty, i just wnated to kill myself quietly - as i raise my gun i hear a whimpering, a small, weak little whimper coming from the next stall - apparently I'm not alone. It's the cute girl I have been noticing this weekend, she's' crying and shaking, I sit down with her and I just hold her. no words. We just share body heat, it's very primal, but it works. She looks up at me with big tear stained eyes, recognises me - i'm the awkward guy from the dance floor - just stares at me for 2 seconds, I think she's about to run off, but then she snuggles in further to me - and I rub her back and tell her we will be ok - we'll get out a live.
So I arrive at the casino trying to drown my sorrows, to find a beautiful and wealthy girl, to win a million bucks. But I'm awkward, I see my beautiful ex everywhere. And I think that I could never find another gir like here, it's just impossible. I fuck up at the pokes because I think I see her, I fuck up at the roullette for the same reason, I fuck up at the bar and dance floor fo rhte same reaosn.
so yeah in the bar, at the end, i'm stnading in front of the window and the lady gets her gun out, i dive and she fies three shots - i look up at her and we connect with powerful eye contact. I then hurl myself out the window and she stands up and starts hollering, getting int he way of everybody so nobody can get a shto off
Thursday, 7 January 2010
I don't know what is coming next.
The metamorphosis has been challenging, I've fallen but I have picked myself up. Not many could undergo what I've gone through, and maintain calm and inner peace. Part of me, the deep and sensitive part, does not know if I'll come through this ok - if I'll be able to fully spread my wings and fly. The coccoon has been stifling, it's been mundane to the point of insanity, it's been hot and cramped and I am yet to see what sort of scars have been inflicted unto my body. At times I have found natural escape in the beauty surrounding me - it is far too easy to neglect the ecstasy that comforts us in this wider world. Cooling off in the waves, dreaming under the summer stars, these have been my get-aways. Now I am to return to the smoke, to the fire. I am returning to truly test my mettle - to see if I can stay strong under an adversity I haven't faced in a long while. I am entering the final third of my current self-disovery and development. It is time to embrace pain, to embrace torn muscles and crushed hearts. One mustn't steer away from fear - one must face it head on. I am going to push myself until I collapse - with violence and fear by my side I am enterring the fray. Dark nights of caliginosity and feverlike self-loathing will be beaten out of me with gloved fists. It is time to annihilate a few braincells, it's time to put down the pen and to dust my hands. This the final hurdle, the last act before becoming man - if one is able to think - than one must be able to fight. I know what is coming next, I am afraid - but this fear is my source of energy.
I want to do it - and I never want to forget that.
would you wash my clothes, once again, before I leave, so my clothes can smell like home?
I only said the things I did because I feel compassion towards you - compassion that turned to angst because you are cheating yourself. And now you are a lost cause. You are an ignorant know-it-all who knows nothing of the real world. When compassion becomes the enemy - when the blind lead the blind - there is no hope for man-kind. I honestly detest what you've become, because it makes good people fall. And for a period of time, I wasn't good enough to get back up.
The metamorphosis has been challenging, I've fallen but I have picked myself up. Not many could undergo what I've gone through, and maintain calm and inner peace. Part of me, the deep and sensitive part, does not know if I'll come through this ok - if I'll be able to fully spread my wings and fly. The coccoon has been stifling, it's been mundane to the point of insanity, it's been hot and cramped and I am yet to see what sort of scars have been inflicted unto my body. At times I have found natural escape in the beauty surrounding me - it is far too easy to neglect the ecstasy that comforts us in this wider world. Cooling off in the waves, dreaming under the summer stars, these have been my get-aways. Now I am to return to the smoke, to the fire. I am returning to truly test my mettle - to see if I can stay strong under an adversity I haven't faced in a long while. I am entering the final third of my current self-disovery and development. It is time to embrace pain, to embrace torn muscles and crushed hearts. One mustn't steer away from fear - one must face it head on. I am going to push myself until I collapse - with violence and fear by my side I am enterring the fray. Dark nights of caliginosity and feverlike self-loathing will be beaten out of me with gloved fists. It is time to annihilate a few braincells, it's time to put down the pen and to dust my hands. This the final hurdle, the last act before becoming man - if one is able to think - than one must be able to fight. I know what is coming next, I am afraid - but this fear is my source of energy.
I want to do it - and I never want to forget that.
would you wash my clothes, once again, before I leave, so my clothes can smell like home?
I only said the things I did because I feel compassion towards you - compassion that turned to angst because you are cheating yourself. And now you are a lost cause. You are an ignorant know-it-all who knows nothing of the real world. When compassion becomes the enemy - when the blind lead the blind - there is no hope for man-kind. I honestly detest what you've become, because it makes good people fall. And for a period of time, I wasn't good enough to get back up.
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